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Man, that devil on my shoulder...
He gets me into trouble. He tells me to say or do things I’ll later regret. He wants me, as a whole, to feel like trash. And be beneath him. The devil on my shoulder is miserable so he wants me to feel miserable too. “Misery loves company.”
On the contrary, the guardian angel on my left…
she is pleasant, she resembles Glinda from the Wizard of Oz. I know she’s a witch but hey a good witch like her is a guardian angel in my eyes. She tells me sweet things or sweet nothings. Some of which don’t seem real or they seem too good to be true. The guardian angel in this story wants the purest version of me and wishes me true happiness for eternity. Sitting here, thinking about their constant committee meetings and battles in my headquarters upstairs....It’s hard to figure out who to follow...or if there can be a balance of sorts? Hmm.
The devil on my shoulder…
Wants me to feel the deepest of pain and hurt people closest to me because the devil wants me alone and unlovable. The devil on my right, wishes me ill will and wants me to feel jealous and envious of others.
However, the guardian angel on my left, tells me to give the benefit of the doubt and give people second or third chances but just don’t allow yourself to be walked on. And to be compassionate even when you do not wish to play nice with people who’ve once hurt you.
It’s honestly the most difficult when these two entities in our mind are in limbo. Our brain simply cannot choose. It’s toxic being in that state of indecisiveness because most of the time (in my experience) aggression, stress, fear, and anxiety come out the most during that time. And those aren’t necessarily positive. The brain is so powerful, it can literally create an alternate ending to your day or story in a matter of minutes. Maybe even seconds. Your mind can create problems that are not present in your reality. Mind blowing, I know. And pretty fucking exhausting.
The devil on my shoulder…
pours poison into my body and wants me to feel horrendous pain. Torture. Abuse. But also wants me to live to tell about it. Why? Because why else? If I live, that means I am damaged. I have baggage now without a glimmer of hope that i will ever recover and be what I once was before. And sometimes he wins. The devil on my shoulder wants me jaded...
The angel on my left….
wishes me care, self help and some sort of trauma healing. However necessary she feels it to be. She wants me to be the best most powerful me ever. She wants me to rise to the top like a beautiful Tulip and overcome any struggles I may have had in my life. If the devil knocks me down, The angel tells me to get the fuck up and keep going because you have a team. A team that will be by your side until you’re dying day. Buck up bitch, you ain’t going nowhere...
So, my friends, do you have this kind of committee? Or conscious? A duality within? Or devil/angel pair? How do you go about dealing with their battles? Is it possible to create somewhat of a balance? Can we all live with this duality inside of us??
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The answer is a simple yes. There is a balance and order. Duality is necessary. After all we’re human. Don’t run from your own duality. Embrace the many things about you. Learn from mistakes when the devil on your shoulder knocks you down. And just so you are aware, I have yet to perfect this but my intentions are pure and I will follow my guardian angel, Glinda, to the ends of the earth and pray to the gods until I do know how to create a fluid balance to my existence.
xxo
Stephanie Danielle