metamorphosis

Lets talk rebirth, regeneration, and metamorphosis shall we? With all of those fancy ass words….here comes the part we don’t want to deal with. Heal and recover. They say, with healing comes clarity right? The healing and loving yourself? Having confidence? Loving others? Not being judgmental? That too, Is all going to be over soon…yes?

“soon” is definitely a massive understatement. Nothing on this journey we live is in a steady straight line. Nothing is cute and fluffy. People out there broadcasting this love and light bullshit has clearly never come to terms with the REAL healing it takes to go dark. Lurk in your own shadow for a while and lets talk to those people after they return from the fucking deepest and darkest parts of their soul. We shall see how much love and light they preach after that. I swear social media and the fucking Kardash hoez among many other influencers out there make it sound like its a new age type of trend which sadly has now been glamorized. I sound like a grump but I don’t care, and I know I am not the only one who feels this way especially in the occult or spiritual community. I hate this part of social media and how people can spread such misinformation on such a serious thing. I’m 36 years old now and still gaining new perspectives constantly. My point here is, coming from my personal experiences, trauma, loss, and ego deaths, one must learn to balance the light with the dark parts of self. To put it bluntly how to be a fuckin human after life kicks you in the ass.

Lets talk duality. It is the major key in all of this. The sooner one learns this the better off you’ll be. Accepting we all have two parts to ourselves will make it easier to handle your life after shit hits the fan. Learn to love the darkest shadowy parts of yourself in order for you to be the light for others. In my opinion, admitting you have the shadowy parts are somewhat the aspects which make you authentic. Those parts are not pretty, however, most of us who are honest with ourselves can relate and admit to those parts…and guess what? That makes you human and then boom!!! Besties!! We are one!!! Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable or allow others to help you through the parts of your life that you may not see a way out of. Therefore, What I have found that resonates a lot is to embrace duality rather than resist. Resisting may only prolong your healing. Healing from trauma or any sort abuse can take years and you really have to be ready for it. I personally have been healing and reliving some of my past yet I thought I was done with those situations or things that almost broke me. Need I mention these things happened years ago!? The human brain blocks it out until you’re literally ready to move through it. However, here I am still moving through it and more cringe memories come back. THAT is what makes this metamorphosis disgustingly hard. So, fuck off to the social media accounts swearing unicorns jump out of your ass while awakening. Seriously? *hurl*

Going through such a metamorphosis is not as simple as I make it sound either, however, I am simply coming from an open heart. If you know me or have been around here on this blog awhile, you know the tip of the ice berg of what i have gone through. Some stories I have only told like 3 people because i do not wish to unlock THAT beast yet. That is My choice and my right. Someday maybe when I am brave enough I shall open that section. I feel like the entire decade of my 30’s is dedicated to growth. And it has been just that and then some. So many blessings throughout all of this heal and recover chapter as well. It’s not ALL hard or painful. *sigh* What a time to be alive, am I right? I am hoping you, the reader, can relate to this and feel comfortable talking about the things you thought broke you. maybe try asking yourself…

• “what are the things/situations that still haunt my dreams?

• “who was hurt through a situation you caused?”

• “in what ways were you wronged as a child? How did you feel then?" How do you feel now about that situation?”

• “What triggers you? Who triggers you? Why do you think that is?”

So something that triggers me sometimes is the term “daddy issues” Why? because when people say it its usually in an insensitive matter and none of the daughters out there (like me) deserved that nor do we deserve that type of “title.” So, no, I do not care for the term or anything surrounding that. What I have found that helps is to mediate on the triggers because sometimes our brains get in the way and react instead of properly handling the triggering situation simply due to trauma response. Some other ways to deal is to write them down. Sometimes I even burn them after getting it out on paper in a ritualistic manner or keep it inside your journal. Last year i had a note pad that i dedicated to my rebirth and every single page was taken and written all over. As spirits in a meat suit we carry all the baggage around with us and inside our bodies. Different chakras may be affected due to different types of abuse. If you don’t write, may i suggest dance or any sort of micro meditation

With ALL of that being said, I have been nudged by my higher self and spirit to help, guide, and maybe lend a hand if needed. In doing so, sharing parts of my story and being truly authentic is how i do help others for nothing in return. Everything I shared has helped tremendously so I hope this helps you. It pays off a lot to invest in yourself as long as you make that commitment to bettering yourself and generations to come after you. You are the only one who really has your back in all you do. Yes, you may have supportive friends, family, partners and trust me, those people are needed. However, YOU do the work, you put in the hours and money behind healing yourself. YOU actually put yourself back together again. Don’t ever forget where you came from yet look forward with new eyes and maybe a new lens.

xxo Steph